Daddy I'm Home

"I don't know if you guys have heard yet, but Rachel died."  I woke up Tuesday morning reading these words.  At first it didn't register, my brain became fuzzy and I thought, "No, not my roommate."  I went to my mom confused and I teared up a little bit.  I called my best friend, Dani and she came over and held me as I told her about my confused emotions.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't know how to react.  I looked at pictures of her remembering that exact moment.  As soon as Dani left and shut the door, it hit me.  My whole body started hurting and aching.  Then God gave me this picture.  I saw Rachel running up to God.  She said, "Daddy, I'm home!"  And God responded, "I'm so proud of you baby girl." Then God said to me: "She's with me."  And I saw her cuddling with God.  She loved to cuddle. Rachel, this is for you.

Rachel is on the left

Rachel was the first person I met when I arrived in Belize.  She was wearing a Captain America shirt and a very fancy hat.  She confused me at first.  She started talking and would say a bunch of names that I had no clue how she knew them.  It took me a month to figure out that Samuel was her brother. 
Some of our nicknames for her were. Rachey Rache, Ray Charles, Ray Chillin. The second week we were there, she brought a baby bird home.  She named him Lazarus.  I hated that bird.  That bird chirped all night.  But it was very endearing how Rachel fed it every 2 hours and made sure that he was happy.  I was in awe of how much she cared for him.  She loved to care for things.  Especially people.  I was sick twice during the 5 months we spent together.  Both times she made sure that I had enough water.  She would take my temperature.  She brought me my meals.  She even gave me a massage one time and didn't care that I had nasty germs.
During our DTS, Rachel broke free of fear.  She had a fear of everything.  But as the weeks went on, I saw Rachel growing in her love for God and realizing that the enemy now has no power over her.  She went ziplining through the Belizean jungle.  She wrote this comment on one of the pictures: In Rachel's mind at the time: "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die in a freak zip lining accident! DEARSWEETLORDJESUS TAKE THE GLOVE!!!!!!" (We were using gloves.)  This comment made my stomach hurt from laughing so hard.
 But she did it.  She overcame her fear of heights and zip-lined over 50 feet! 
In Jamaica, streets are crowded and there's so many people.  I thought Rachel was going to have a hard time, but she just walked through like anyone else.  I had no idea what was going on inside her head (I never did), but she was definitely walking with Jesus.

Stories about Rachel always made me laugh.  During the first or second week, there was this one time Rachel was getting dressed and another one of our roommates left the door open.  Rachel made a "Are you kidding me face?" walked over to the door, did a model pose and then slammed the door shut.  She was so random, but that's what I loved about her!  She would do the most random things that were unexpected.

This is one of my favorite Rachel quotes.  One time she said to all of us girls. "Most of us look good without makeup."  We were all looking at each other like "Which one of us doesn't?"  We teased her a lot about that.

Rachel also loved to dance.  She did ballet and the Irish dance.  Of course she did.  In dance parties she would always start to Irish dance, and she was always really good at it too!  I loved watching her dance.

Rachel loved to make faces.  If you go on YouTube and look up the account Mangos and Bibles YWAM DP, there are 2 videos (they're both the same) of her making faces.  She was so embarrassed that she uploaded the same video twice.

My last memory is her blue scarf.  Rachel had this extremely large blue scarf.  She used this scarf as everything.  She used it to dry her hair.  She used it as a sash, a skirt, and a dress.

Rachel's favorite color was purple.  She loved the color purple.  This week I am wearing purple for her.  She had a purple backpack, a purple panda bear and purple beanie, purple shirts.  

This post does not do Rachel justice.  She truly was a unique gift to everyone around her.  I made her a playlist which is all that I'm listening to right now.  I've edited it, but I made sure that there are only 19 songs.  19 for the years that she lived.  I plan on her birthday to keep adding a new one.  A note that Rachel would have not liked this playlist.  She loved upbeat songs, but these are the only songs that I can listen to where I feel at peace.  I put 4 of her songs that she would always, and I do mean ALWAYS listen too.  Another reason why I love her.  Note: If you don't have Spotify, I will post a list of all the songs.
Rachel

Dear Rachel,
Remember that time we talked about if God gave us any rooms in heaven, what would our rooms have?  I remember you were having an allergic reaction to mold so you had to write on your iPad everything.   I hope that you are enjoying your purple room full of your stuffed animals.  I know that you are dancing with God now and that you are so joyful.  See you soon. Love you and I miss you dearly.
-Sami

Most of these pictures are my favorite memories with her, the others are my favorite moments of her (even though she may have not approved of them <3)

Answering the Call - short and sweet

I have been dormant for about 3 months.  I don't want to be that person that goes on a mission's trip and then goes back to the normal life thinking that it was just an experience.  It was so much more!  God showed me so many truths to me that I hope I will never forget.  The months that I have been back have been revealing.  Because God does not live in Belize or Jamaica.  He is everywhere!

   Everyone asks, "So how is it being back?" And I always say the same answer.  It's hard.  I am used to being surrounded by people that uplifted me, encouraged me, and talked about Jesus EVERY DAY!  And now, there are some people that I talk to and they get freaked out that I wanna go deep with them.  Now that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with those people.  I just went on this life-changing adventure, there are people that want to hear all about it and then there are people are like "Yeah, you went to Belarus and Japan that's great. Heard enough."  Then there are people who say, "So how's college going for you? What school do you go to again?"

  It's also hard when there are inside jokes that you are used to saying aren't that funny back home but are HILARIOUS to you.  Another hard thing is I woke up to the same people every day for 5 months.

 My 3 other roommates were no longer sleeping in the same room as me.  I was no longer waking up with them or walking to breakfast with them or going back to the our little house with them.
   I have come back to a home where I have radically changed but home has stayed the same, therefore I have to learn to stay my radical self instead of falling back into a routine.  I wanted to stay radically different.

YWAM has its different speakers every week and they speak about God, but since I have been back, God has been my speaker every week.  And my word for the season is BLESS. Most of the quiet times that I have been having, God has been blessing me in so many different ways.  Now I am going to tell you something that is told to us all the time, but I may have just accepted it as true.

God wants to bless me.  God wants to give me the desires of my heart.  Parents want to spoil their child, therefore; God wants to spoil me. Because I am his child. HIS child.  During college winter break, my best friend Dani was home after spending a month in India and she invited me to go visit her Nana in Santa Cruz.  I didn't want to pass up an opportunity to spend time with her while I could.  So we drove to Santa Cruz and we took Nana out to Thai food.  I had just spent a bunch of money on a huge trip so my finances are a little low but I had a job and I was learning to save.  At this time I was trying to save money but I didn't mind paying. But in the end, Nana insisted on paying.  It was a little blessing that I knew God was giving me.  And the food was one of the best food I have ever tasted.  On the way back, I didn't use my GPS for directions back just relying on my memory and road signs.  We ended up taking the long road back, highway 1.
      For those of you who have never been to the Bay Area, Highway 1 is one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen (in the right season).  There were huge fields of beautiful flowers and green mountains that kind of reminded me of Lord of the Rings and it's along the coast.  So a wrong turn ended up being another one of God's blessings for me and I spent it with my two best friends. (Dani and Jesus).


The other thing that everybody asks is "What's next?" For most of you, I answered that I wanted to do a Young Life internship.  Long story short, God told me in a dream that that may not be the best thing for me right now.  But these past few months, I have had no idea what I was going to do next.  I didn't know if I was going to be accepted into the internship or if I wanted to continue with YWAM or I even thought about doing a different missionary organization.  All I knew was that I was a missionary and I wanted to pursue that in another country.  So God gave me exactly what I wanted.  (Remember, he wants to spoil me!!?)  God has called me back to Belize doing a secondary school with YWAM called the FCM (Foundations of Counseling Ministry) that starts in July.

This didn't come suddenly.  It was in the back of my mind the whole time but I thought that the internship I wanted was going to be The Thing That I Was Going To Do Next.  The best way I can explain it is a story.  © Britney Timberlake.  Sometimes at work, when my boss asks a group of us "Who wants to help me out and set up our meeting."  Some people raise their hands and some people don't.  Those that raise their hands, will help.  This is similar to the parable of the Great Banquet.  God has invited me to this banquet and I am accepting his invitation and answering his call.  God did not tell me, "You have to do the FCM"  He just asked me and I am simply raising my hand.

Thank you for all who has invested in me during this time of my life.   You are investing in me just by reading my blog and being interested in me and what I do.  You are one of God's blessings to me.

the Belizean Flag