As soon as I got to Woodleaf, I was meeting people like crazy. It was very energetic. When I got to the YWAM base, one of the first things I noticed was how quiet and calm it was. This caught me extremely off guard. I was shown to my room and I was going to have 3 roommates. Then the girl that showed me to my room, Brittany, said "Don't worry about the geckos, it's normal for them to be crawling on the walls."
"What?!" I said. Geckos! "Oh yeah, you'll hear them, it's normal." My eyes went wide. The first thing that popped in my mind was "Oh shoot dang." Great, geckos. On the walls. That night I did spot a gecko right next to me on the wall. I was scared out of my wits. But they were more scared of me than I of them. They also make this really high pitched noise that freaks me out. The next night, I put headphones in so I didn't have to hear them. Ignorance is bliss, right? But now I am used to them.
One of the many things I like here is that I don't wear shoes. Shoes make my feet sweaty and smelly. Here, I never wear shoes unless I go into town. Another thing I like here is a Belizean specialty called a fry jack. I can't really describe it, but it is heaven. Just google it. I have made great relationships here. There is a variety of us. 5 of us are from all over the US. And then there's a Canadian, German, Norwegian, Danish, and a Swiss. So we're very diverse. The German girl was very excited about the World Cup.
Here at the base there's certain requirements, one of them was Academics. Everything is oral. We have to give oral presentations of the Gospel, a certain topic, 4 book reports, and a devotional. The first was the oral gospel. It was supposed to be 3-5 minutes. I practiced the night before and when I went up there, I was very nervous but as soon as I started talking, the words just flowed through my mouth, like God was speaking through me, because he was. Yesterday (July 21) I had to give my book report. The book I chose was "Love Does" by Bob Goff. That one I felt as though God told me to just talk. And that's what I did and it went very well (it was a little short but still good.)
On Week 3, our speakers were YWAMers from Texas but spent the majority of their life in the YWAM base in Cape Town, South Africa. They were born and raised in South Africa. They had accents and everything. At this point, I haven't felt God yet. And I wasn't expecting too. I didn't believe that God loved me. I thought that he ignored me and that I was a thorn in his foot. They talked about the Divine Plumbline. It's very hard to explain in words what it is, but I sat there listening and what I loved about them was the stories that they told. They have seen so many miracles and mended relationships, it was incredible. But that wasn't me. I didn't believe God can do that to me. I felt as though my heart was very hardened. I hadn't cried in 6 months. And before that was 4 months. I'm not easily moved. On Wednesday, we were given a homework assignment. We had to write a letter to God. Then we were to pause for a minute and wait for a response and then write down God's response. My first thought was "Great! God doesn't talk to me so this will be interesting." We were to just keep writing and don't stop. Just keep writing. I sat in the library and wrote my letter and then I wrote God's response. It was very strange. My pen just kept writing. The next day we had to read them aloud. I kept my head low, but Barbara (our speaker) called me out. Everyone before me was crying and I thought: "Pshh, wimps. I'm not gonna cry." I went up there. Note: this isn't the whole letter because some stuff is personal that I don't want to publish online. The ... is where I cut off something. Anyways this is what I wrote:
Hey Dad,
I don't know really know what to write. I do this all the time but now I'm drawing a blank. I pause here. Because I read my next line and it sinks in. What's wrong with me? Why don't you love me? I skip the last question when I read aloud because I felt ashamed but God told me to go back and read it again. I want to trust you, but it's so hard when you don't talk to me. What am I doing wrong? Dad, I feel hurt...It makes me think that you are calling me selfish and uncaring. And that I'm a pain to be around. Is that what you think of me? My pen is running out. I feel as though you don't want to talk to me. I don't understand. -Sami
Dear Sami,
That's right, don't forget the star. I use a star in my 'i's. Because you are a star. I have not forgotten you. You are my most precious child. Don't pause. Keep writing. Those bugs are bothersome, huh? I created them. Haha. Don't you worry my child. I have something planned for you. You are going to do great. You're going to be my shining star. My golden star. And don't you worry about funds. I'll talke care of it. I will always take care of you. I won't go. I'm always here in your heart. Just call to me. And I will answer. Yes, this is really me. It's ok. It's ok. Don't be afraid. I love you. Just trust me. Ok? I had a vision of a scuba-diving OK sign which is basically you make an 'o' with your thumb and index finger. Cool.
Love,
Daddio
For the first time in 6 months, I cried. I broke. For the first time, I was sure that was God talking to me. Those were God's words. He said that to me. The next day we all got in a circle and our speakers and peers prayed for us. I was the last one (partly because I was trying to get by it.) When it was my turn I cried again. I explained the areas where I was hurting. I couldn't believe it. Twice in two days. God gave me another letter spoken through a couple staff people:
"You are my child, my child. The only thing that has pained me, is that you have been hurt." I won't say the whole letter because it's holy to me. These letters that God has written I hold very dear to my heart, becuase they are his words. While they're praying for me I had a vision of a big man holding a heart. It's my heart. There are little shiny spots in my heart (like diamonds) and the man (who is God) is pointing out all the shiny spots. It's the stuff that he adores about me. The way he points at them makes him giddy, because he created me like that. He was proud of me.
Quick sidenote: Our meditation passage this week was Psalm 51. In Week 1, the staff handed us pieces of paper that had little sentences of what they were praying for. One of my sentences was "Restore the Joy." I was taken aback because I felt joyful at Woodleaf and then I went home and I felt as though God took away that joy. Now I'm reading the meditation passage and one of the verses says "Restore in me the joy of your salvation." That line stuck out to me. As I'm meditating with my worship music going (on shuffle) the song "White as Snow" by Jon Foreman comes on which is based off of Psalm 51. Ok God, you want me to restore the joy.
Back to the prayer circle, after praying everyone did some encouraging to me. One of the staff members said: "I just have a word for you. Restore. I don't know, it just came to me." I think it's about time I find out what this word means. The definition I looked up was "to bring back." Yesterday, we had to sign up for our topical presentation. One of the topics was "Restoration." I knew God wanted me to take it so I did. So I'm still figuring it out.
One of the many things I like here is that I don't wear shoes. Shoes make my feet sweaty and smelly. Here, I never wear shoes unless I go into town. Another thing I like here is a Belizean specialty called a fry jack. I can't really describe it, but it is heaven. Just google it. I have made great relationships here. There is a variety of us. 5 of us are from all over the US. And then there's a Canadian, German, Norwegian, Danish, and a Swiss. So we're very diverse. The German girl was very excited about the World Cup.
Here at the base there's certain requirements, one of them was Academics. Everything is oral. We have to give oral presentations of the Gospel, a certain topic, 4 book reports, and a devotional. The first was the oral gospel. It was supposed to be 3-5 minutes. I practiced the night before and when I went up there, I was very nervous but as soon as I started talking, the words just flowed through my mouth, like God was speaking through me, because he was. Yesterday (July 21) I had to give my book report. The book I chose was "Love Does" by Bob Goff. That one I felt as though God told me to just talk. And that's what I did and it went very well (it was a little short but still good.)
On Week 3, our speakers were YWAMers from Texas but spent the majority of their life in the YWAM base in Cape Town, South Africa. They were born and raised in South Africa. They had accents and everything. At this point, I haven't felt God yet. And I wasn't expecting too. I didn't believe that God loved me. I thought that he ignored me and that I was a thorn in his foot. They talked about the Divine Plumbline. It's very hard to explain in words what it is, but I sat there listening and what I loved about them was the stories that they told. They have seen so many miracles and mended relationships, it was incredible. But that wasn't me. I didn't believe God can do that to me. I felt as though my heart was very hardened. I hadn't cried in 6 months. And before that was 4 months. I'm not easily moved. On Wednesday, we were given a homework assignment. We had to write a letter to God. Then we were to pause for a minute and wait for a response and then write down God's response. My first thought was "Great! God doesn't talk to me so this will be interesting." We were to just keep writing and don't stop. Just keep writing. I sat in the library and wrote my letter and then I wrote God's response. It was very strange. My pen just kept writing. The next day we had to read them aloud. I kept my head low, but Barbara (our speaker) called me out. Everyone before me was crying and I thought: "Pshh, wimps. I'm not gonna cry." I went up there. Note: this isn't the whole letter because some stuff is personal that I don't want to publish online. The ... is where I cut off something. Anyways this is what I wrote:
Hey Dad,
I don't know really know what to write. I do this all the time but now I'm drawing a blank. I pause here. Because I read my next line and it sinks in. What's wrong with me? Why don't you love me? I skip the last question when I read aloud because I felt ashamed but God told me to go back and read it again. I want to trust you, but it's so hard when you don't talk to me. What am I doing wrong? Dad, I feel hurt...It makes me think that you are calling me selfish and uncaring. And that I'm a pain to be around. Is that what you think of me? My pen is running out. I feel as though you don't want to talk to me. I don't understand. -Sami
Dear Sami,
That's right, don't forget the star. I use a star in my 'i's. Because you are a star. I have not forgotten you. You are my most precious child. Don't pause. Keep writing. Those bugs are bothersome, huh? I created them. Haha. Don't you worry my child. I have something planned for you. You are going to do great. You're going to be my shining star. My golden star. And don't you worry about funds. I'll talke care of it. I will always take care of you. I won't go. I'm always here in your heart. Just call to me. And I will answer. Yes, this is really me. It's ok. It's ok. Don't be afraid. I love you. Just trust me. Ok? I had a vision of a scuba-diving OK sign which is basically you make an 'o' with your thumb and index finger. Cool.
Love,
Daddio
For the first time in 6 months, I cried. I broke. For the first time, I was sure that was God talking to me. Those were God's words. He said that to me. The next day we all got in a circle and our speakers and peers prayed for us. I was the last one (partly because I was trying to get by it.) When it was my turn I cried again. I explained the areas where I was hurting. I couldn't believe it. Twice in two days. God gave me another letter spoken through a couple staff people:
"You are my child, my child. The only thing that has pained me, is that you have been hurt." I won't say the whole letter because it's holy to me. These letters that God has written I hold very dear to my heart, becuase they are his words. While they're praying for me I had a vision of a big man holding a heart. It's my heart. There are little shiny spots in my heart (like diamonds) and the man (who is God) is pointing out all the shiny spots. It's the stuff that he adores about me. The way he points at them makes him giddy, because he created me like that. He was proud of me.
Quick sidenote: Our meditation passage this week was Psalm 51. In Week 1, the staff handed us pieces of paper that had little sentences of what they were praying for. One of my sentences was "Restore the Joy." I was taken aback because I felt joyful at Woodleaf and then I went home and I felt as though God took away that joy. Now I'm reading the meditation passage and one of the verses says "Restore in me the joy of your salvation." That line stuck out to me. As I'm meditating with my worship music going (on shuffle) the song "White as Snow" by Jon Foreman comes on which is based off of Psalm 51. Ok God, you want me to restore the joy.
Back to the prayer circle, after praying everyone did some encouraging to me. One of the staff members said: "I just have a word for you. Restore. I don't know, it just came to me." I think it's about time I find out what this word means. The definition I looked up was "to bring back." Yesterday, we had to sign up for our topical presentation. One of the topics was "Restoration." I knew God wanted me to take it so I did. So I'm still figuring it out.
About a week ago, I found out where my outreach is going to be: Jamaica. The other option was Chile. And it turned out in the end that God wanted us all to go to Jamaica. So our whole team is going to Jamaica which made us all very happy and surprised. Our focus is Discipleship through Relationship. When we found out, half of our fees were due that Friday (July 18) On Wednesday (when I wrote my letter) I saw that I needed $1000 more. A little discouraged, I thought "How am I going to get $1000 in two days?" That's when God told me not to worry about the funds. The Friday the dues are due, I get an email saying that they've contributed $1000 to my Outreach. I couldn't believe it. I'm no longer worried about my fees because I know God is going to provide.
Folks this is only a nutshell. I think I will save more for my next post. God bless!
Folks this is only a nutshell. I think I will save more for my next post. God bless!
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